~ Longing less pain than suffering ~

The greatest evil that can happen to one man is to hate his own life. He is constantly looking for a way to escape from that evil. Tired of the burden of memories and persecuted by his own actions, he often comes to the end of the road beyond which there is no longer any future and hope. At this end, the master is only the time, which can only travel in the past and in the present, without obstacles and without remorse. A man persistently tries to stop it, interrupt it, and erases all those accumulated traces of suffering, which in no way want to disappear from the ground of his being. It seems to him that his whole life he has walked in the snow, in some Neverland, where the spring never comes. He can not escape from himself, from his memories, experiences and beliefs. In the moments, which he shares only with himself, he sees his traces where they do not exist. They return him at a time that he did not, and he wanted to live. Like Justitia, he continually reviews, analyzes, measures and evaluates his actions. He is thinking of the path he has crossed. Like a broken branch, which never forgives the wind, he can not forgive himself because he did not have enough the courage to fight with many life’s temptations and challenges. Much of what he wanted and what he had dreamed about, there remained only a silent longing, locked in the secret chambers of his heart. Fear of pain and uncertainty often involves a victory over courage, which sometimes stays before what is complicated, intricate and dark. Abandonment is the easiest solution to each enigma. Self-love often overcomes the one who wants to play and experiment. Some people just do not like to go into the unknown and unclear; they do not like surprises and do not want to discover anything new. They keep all the strings in their hands and all events in their lives depend only on them. These are people who love their comfort and themselves too much, so they never allow their heart to get lost. They always deny it the pleasure to meet some new roads and worlds. Without excitement and in monotony, it works like a clock and everything in its duration is predetermined. It never touches the tenderness and sensitivity of longing and its tiny threads of unknown deep feelings. The flows of these emotions are elusive. They become one big vortex that sometimes confuses with their calls for beauty and enjoyment. The spirits of the soul are constantly traveling. They can not quench their thirst for life and do not stop researching. Mysterious as Mona Lisa, somewhere in the distance, in a mist of desires longing smiles and calls for socializing. They say the heart always stays last. Only it can revive something that his lord believes has long since died. A man ages much earlier, but it is longing or suffering until the last beating. Its life’s battle is often led between these two feelings. When suffering wins, it, like a wounded beast, tries to heal deep wounds. Some of these wounds never heal. Sometimes the slightest hint and touch are enough to make them bleed and pain again. Chained with thorns, the heart is struggling with suffering and wants to return again to the longing, but it does not know that when the longing once becomes a suffering, it can never again be a longing. It would again go to fictitious time and space and live in a world of illusions, which sends mysterious images, signals and hints to it. In this world, it can freely escape from reality, travel from one desire to another and create poetic truths. Its imagination, fed with longing, suppresses pain and does not admit defeat. It continuously erases the boundary between the past and the present and turns everything into a moment and blink. With the departure of time, emptiness and undetermined become more and more widespread, the clamp between what has once happened and what could happen is being erased. These frequent journeys to a non-existent world sometimes bring people to the knowledge of the absurdity of life and vanishing. In those moments, suffering is born. Life becomes a dark forest from which the path to the exit can not be seen. The wistfully views wander to its tall crowns in the hope of seeing a piece of the sky. Like branches, memories and reminiscences sway in space and time, intertwine and cross. Everything turns into a tangled knot without beginning and end. Reality, cold and indisputable, is constantly seeking answers to some painful questions. Man is constantly thinking about suffering and dignity, his own wanderings and misconceptions, forgetting and remembering, the truth, belief, guilt, will and power, the banality of many events. From everything, only fragments remain, scattered over the space of his time. Darkness and coldness, disorientation, loneliness and loss, confirm unrealized dreams. He can no longer choose between suffering and longing, between less and greater pain. Moments of decision have long stayed behind him. Everything that moved him and held him remained to sleep in the inaccessible depths of his being. The justifications always stop under circumstances that have determined his fate. Indecisive, skeptical and confused, he goes deeper into indifference, musing and melancholy. He is afraid to cross the boundary that leads to uncertainty and remains to stand on its walls, looking wistfully at unknown areas. One part of him remains forever trapped in these walls, without being aware of it.
Longing less pain than suffering, author Suzana Stojanović, October 3, 2017